Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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