I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Randomize
