He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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