I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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