Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
