Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
