I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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