Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
