Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
