The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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