i think i have two assholes
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
