I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
