So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
