I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
