If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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