and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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