and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
