It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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