The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
