Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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