Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
