I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
