I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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