when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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