My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize