His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
