I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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