Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
