This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
