I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
