yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
