this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
