i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
