you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
