There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
