TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
