On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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