I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
