Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I look better un-naked...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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