You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
