Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
