TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
