I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
