Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
