Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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