I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
