I think my vagina is haunted
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
