dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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