it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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