I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
