I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
