Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
you never un-have a 4some
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
