is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
